Secret of Mein
by CrzyAlterEgo
Summary: Ludwig has a secret he doesn't share with anyone, not even his brother Gilbert. The only one who knows of his secret passions are his Tagebuch. But what could happen if Gilbert found Ludwig's Tagebuch? Ludwig would rather never find out.
1. Chapter 1: Mar 25th

25th März

Liebe Tagebuch,

Today is the first day I'm writing in you. When I bought you, Gilbert was with me and I had to hide it as best I could. If he found out I had a Tagebuch, he'd take it away and rip it. Or maybe worse, he'd burn it in his anger. He doesn't believe that I should have something so special, so precious and genuine. So feminine. He views me as a strong soldier; I would hate to ruin my image of myself to my dear Bruder. He already thinks so fondly of me, he's already so proud of me. I already have to drink so much beer to make him see I'm a strong man. I do like beer, but not as much as I do keeping up house chores. If he knew how much I enjoy home economics, I'm not sure he would be as proud of me as he is. He thinks I'm his strong little brother who will protect him from anything. If only he knew I loved to cook, and bake, and sew, and clean. I wonder what he would think. He probably wouldn't talk to me for a while. I'd hate to disappoint him when he thinks so highly of me. I'll write in you later, mein Freund, Gilbert is coming and I must hide you for now.

Lieben,

Ludwig

* * *

Author note: This was inspired by my friend, Bailey, when we were talking about my likeness to sew. For this fic, I shall not be giving translations to merely keep up the impression that Ludwig is actually writing his true self. If you wish to review, please do, it makes writing fun when I have an idea what my readers think.

Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia.


	2. Chapter 2: Mar 26th

26th März

Liebe Tagebuch,

Yesterday, Gilbert came into my study while I was writing in you for the first time and asked if I wanted to go out for drinks. I told him sure and we went out drinking. Afterwards, he got so drunk he ended up falling asleep on my couch. I took the time to run out to the bookstore and secretly buy a book. It's a good thing he's such a heavy sleeper. It's called "Kochen Hausfrau". It was very hard for me to buy it without anyone noticing who I was. But then again, I probably shouldn't have worried. No one exactly knows that Germany is personified as a person. If anyone saw who I was though, they'd known what my secret passion was. But when I picked it up, I was taken away with all the different recipes that I could make out of it and suddenly I could care less if someone I knew found me admiring a cookbook. I plan to make some of the recipes later tonight, since Gilbert isn't supposed to come over. If he does, I'll quickly have him think I'm creating a battle strategy with food. It's not the first time I've used that excuse and he bought it the last time. He's had my cooking before, but it's always been German dishes, nothing interesting or different. Sometimes I find myself starting to cook something elaborate for him and then having to throw it away because I should really only be serving beer and wurst. I don't like having to throw away my food, but I must keep everything a secret from Gilbert. Though, I might start to slowly feed him into my real style of cooking. Well, I must go for now. Until then, mein Freund.

Lieben,

Ludwig


	3. Chapter 3: Mar 27th

27th März

Liebe Tagebuch,

Gilbert didn't not come over last night, thankfully. I made the best moose I've ever tasted and even a German cake that would astonish the pastry chefs in my country. I made some other things, but those were the two things I was so very proud of. This evening, when the stores are about to close, I plan to go shopping for a sewing machine. Why am I going when they are about to close? Well, no one will be in there, that's why. It's quite odd to see a man of my size buying a sewing machine. On another note, I was watching the home economic channel this afternoon and that's when I realized I don't have a sewing machine, which is why I will be going out to buy one. It will really help when I want to make things, such as an apron I've been longing to make. I'm not sure if I want it in a light green or blue yet. Both colors are rather attractive. I'll ask Gilbert about what color he feels is more manly. He'll probably say green, so I'll just end up making a green apron. This way I won't have to wear that awful apron that is white and says "Kuss der Koch". Maybe this time I could put on it "Deutsch Koch". That's more appealing than saying kiss the cook. I must go now, it's about time to do some shopping.

Lieben,

Ludwig


	4. Chapter 4: Apr 12th

12th April

Liebe Tagebuch,

It has been some time since I've written in you, mein Fruend. I've been busy. Work has been tough, and Gilbert keeps coming over and bothering me. Not to mention that Feliciano has no idea what the meaning of personal space is. He feels this is his home too and comes over at random. However, lately, he hasn't been coming over as much. Maybe he has found a lover or something. It rather bothers me, I never have anytime to do what I wish. When I went to find you again, you were covered in dust. I felt rather saddened that I had let you, mein Fruend, get covered in dust. I take care of everything in my house, even my new sewing machine, which is hidden in my bedroom. Since the last time I have written in you I've made myself the apron. It's a blue and green apron that says "Bester deutscher Koch". I'm currently making a quilt that I plan to donate to a hospital. I hope they like it, I'm sure they will. I've already made dozens of sweets for the elderly. They tell me, "Ludwig, kommen jederzeit wieder!" It makes me happy to know that others enjoy what I enjoy the most. Gilbert still doesn't know what I do outside of work, which is good. I'm not sure what I would do if he ever found out. That wouldn't be good. I've started to clean the house more and more, and even added different fragrants in the air. He's noticed them and asked what I've done. I lied and said I've just lit a few candles since the place smelled odd. My next job is to start a garden in the back of the house, though I'm not sure how well I am going to keep that from Gilbert. I'm positive I can do it, though.

Lieben,

Ludwig


	5. Chapter 5: Apr 19th

19th April

Liebe Tagebuch,

It has been a week since I've last opened your cover. I do apologize, but I have good news. I have planted my garden! It is small, but with the help of some local Frauen I will be able to make it wunderbar. I'm keeping up with my sewing, my quilting, my cleaning and cooking. Every day I get better at my passions and every day I feel better about who I am. I still go out for drinks with Gilbert and have lunch with Kiku and Feliciano. Both are well, actually. Kiku is rather busy with his work and hardly has time to visit. Though it makes me slightly sad, I do not worry too much. Feliciano has indeed found a woman and I am proud of him, since he no longer comes and bugs me. I work hard long hours, and then tend to my garden when I have an hour to spare. I am growing all sorts of flowers and learning about them each day. Such as the roses, they are hard to grow but they are beautiful. Tulips are the easier ones but they tend to be just as picky as the roses. Tonight I plan to make a crème brûlée for dessert. I tried it before when I was in France and it was rather good. I do hope it comes out just as good as Francis can make it, but I'm not sure. For now though, I must go. Gilbert is coming over and I have to start preparing the meal. It is roasted duck with dinner rolls. It will be my first time making duck, I hope it does turn out all right. Though I never know. One can only try new things and hope for the best. Guten nacht, mein Freund.

Lieben,

Ludwig


	6. Chapter 6: Apr 20th

20th April

Liebe Tagebuch,

The meal was a success! Gilbert told me it was the best meal he had had in years. Better than what Elizabeta used to feed him (which made me very happy!). I'm glad I've pleased my Bruder. Though, he started to ask where I was learning how to cook such good meals. I told him I was helping out the local Frauen with their bake sales and such, and they helped me learn to cook in return. I left out the fact that I play bingo with them on Friday evenings and that they help me take care of my garden that I've hidden from him. He was even impressed with the crème brûlée. I made sure I thanked Francis for the recipe; he said it was no trouble at all. I asked Gilbert if he wanted to have dinner and drinks again, he told me he would let me know. I'm quite looking forward to having another fine evening with my Bruder again. In the meantime, I'm finishing up my quilt. It's come out rather nicely and I'm eager to see the faces of the children I bring it to. The flowers are blooming just as they were supposed to and I've been making new desserts every evening. I've managed to keep my house clean and my next project is a shirt. Not sure what kind yet, but I will come up with it. Auf Wiedersehen, mein Freund.

Lieben,

Ludwig


	7. Chapter 7: Apr 21st

21st April

Liebe Tagebuch,

Tonight, Gilbert is coming over again. I don't have much to say. I've finished my quilt and donated it to the local hospital. They thanked me for it. I have to go now and cook as fast as I can. I want Gilbert to enjoy the meal.

Ludwig


	8. Chapter 8: Apr 22nd

22nd April

Liebe Tagebuch,

I had sex with Gilbert. I feel so horrible about myself. I hadn't meant for it to happen. It was…it just did. After dinner, Gilbert suggested we have a few drinks and before I knew it he was kissing me! I tried to stop him, saying he shouldn't but I felt good. Him kissing me, and touching me, and other dirty things felt wunderbar and I didn't want them to stop. He stormed out of my house earlier this morning when he woke up to find that he was in my arms. I'm not sure if he's angry at the fact that his little brother had sex with him, that he let it happen, or that fact that he ended up being the bottom. I feel horrible that I slept with him, that I let my inner desire get the best of me. He was never supposed to know how I felt about him and now I'm afraid things between us are ruined for good.

Ludwig


	9. Chapter 9: Apr 24th

24th April

Tagebuch,

Gilbert came back. We had sex again. He apologized for leaving so suddenly. He said he was embarrassed, but nevertheless he loved me and he didn't regret a single thing that happened. It made me feel good. I don't want to lose him, I'd hate to lose my precious Bruder. I asked him what he wanted to do. He says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, as a lover. I didn't argue. I still have to hide my secret from him. I hope this love lasts forever.

Ludwig


	10. Chapter 10: May 30th

30th Mai

Tagebuch,

I'm very happy with my life. Everything is going nicely. Gilbert and mine's relationship is at the best that it's ever been. I couldn't ask for more.

Ludwig


	11. Chapter 11: June 15th

15th Juni

Freund,

Gilbert found my journal today. When he found it he threw it on the ground. He was very mad. He said he couldn't believe how feminine and weak I had become, to keep a journal and write every little detail in it. I don't know what to say. I'm hurt and torn. He's left. All the flowers in my garden have died. I haven't taken care of them in so long. I guess I stopped taking care of them when our relationship started. My cooking has gotten rusty; nothing tastes as good as it used to. I've stopped sewing. My study has gotten dusty. Everything seems dull without Gilbert around. He hasn't called. He probably won't come back for a long, long time. I don't blame him. This is what happens when you keep a secret from the one you love. This is what comes from this secret of mein.

Ludwig

* * *

Author Note: Well, it's finished. I do apologize for some short chapters. This was originally meant to be a one shot but it turned into more. I hope everyone enjoyed it, despite the fact that there was little to read sometimes. This is the first fic I've ever finished so leave a review if you enjoyed it. Also, though she isn't a fan of Germany, this is my gift to my best friend Bailey who inspired this.

Happy 18th Birthday Bailey.

Surprise.


End file.
